Finding my Passion... Again*

I bet I can tell you something about myself you don't know.

Yes, I love fashion.

Yes, I love making people look and feel great.

Yes, I am a stylist. 

And Yes, I love being a stylist.

BUT... How did all of this love for fashion come about?? 

I first started out having a deep love for designing clothes and making them.

I don't even know how old I was but basically since I can remember I was always drawn to my moms fabrics, threads, needles, buttons, you name it and I was playing with it. So much so that my mom even bought me one of those toy sewing machines and I would have hours of fun on that. It was definitely my favourite toy although it wasn't a mere toy to me, it was what I absolutely loved doing. I would make new clothes for my barbies and my baby dolls from the scraps of fabric I would find in the cupboard and I would want to show everyone the cool new creations I made. But then I got sad because I thought to myself, why are my barbies the lucky ones that get new clothes made for them by me? Why can't I make myself new clothes as well? And so that is exactly what I did. I had seem denim in the cupboard and I kept checking it out and to me it seemed as if it was just waiting for me to use it. So, I measured myself and made myself a "pattern" for a skirt. Bear in mind that I was only 10 at the time, so I'm not really sure how I knew to do all of these things but I just did. I made sure I left enough seem allowance so that the skirt wouldn't end up being too small, I made sure I had a slit so that I could walk in the skirt as it was a long skirt. Best part of it is that I sewed it all by hand. I was so proud of myself, I wanted to wear that skirt all the time just so I could tell people that I made it all by myself. I also made sure not to tell anyone of my special "project" because I didn't want any help at all, I wanted my mom to be proud of me for doing something so good all by myself. Everyone was very impressed with me and told me how clever I was, even my mom, who didn't tell me that she had infact bought that denim to make herself a pair of jeans. She wasn't angry or upset with me for just taking it, maybe because she could see how impressed I was with myself and how much hard work I had put into my skirt. Since then I was always trying to make things and designing dresses. I remember when my sister got engaged she showed me what she wanted my bridesmaid dress to look like so for the next few weeks I spent all my time designing that dress in so many variations and colours just so I could practice. 

So lets fast forward a few years. Time to leave school and go out into the world. There was no question as to what I wanted to study or even where. Fashion design of course. No words could describe how excited I was, finally getting to live my dream. Unfortunately it wasn't all I had hoped it would be. And in the process I started losing that passion for design that I had had since I was a small girl. By the end of the year I hated it. I didn't want to go near a sketch pad and design anything, I didn't want to be told I wasn't good enough, it really knocked my spirits. I was good at what I did, everyone liked my designs and the garments I made, but its not the students that you have to impress. I learnt SO much that year, about fashion - design, construction, history, photography and the business side as well. Plus, I learnt even more about myself. I wouldn't change anything that I experienced that year for the world. Leaving design was a huge decision for me and I cried a lot and at times I felt like I had failed myself and my parents. I was giving up on my dreams. But little did I know my dreams would carry on but just have a slight detour. I went on to study Fashion and Personal Styling, I am also busy with my degree in Fashion Retail Management. 

Now this is why I say in the title of this post, "Finding my passion... Again". This year, I have faced myself and my demons from college and I took out my sketch pad and just drew. Whatever I felt. Whatever inspiration I had, I just drew. And it felt amazing. I was so happy. Its almost like that feeling you get when you get home after a long time away. And I couldn't believe how natural it felt, as if I hadn't stopped for two years. I must admit that a good friend of mine is also to "blame" for this. He encourages me all the time to always do what I love and he knows that my "happy place" is when I leave the world for a while and draw. And when I finally told him and showed him what I was doing he was extremely happy, so that made me feel good. Its always a great feeling knowing that someone believes in you. I am lucky that I have my family and special friends who always encourage me in my dreams. 

What I have learnt from all of this is that it is good to take criticism from others, we can always improve ourselves and never stop learning. We mustn't take it all personally when we are shown or told how we can improve, its all a learning curve. We also mustn't be afraid to take our dreams into our own hands, we must do for ourselves what we feel is right and best and most beneficial. If I had to make the choice again, I would still choose to leave fashion design and pursue the styling. In the end, I have come back to the designing but I have a greater knowledge of things that I wouldn't have had if I had made a different choice two years ago. I am proud of where I am and what I have learned so far in my short life. I hope my parents, family and friends think the same. I have taken a round about route but I am on the road to living my dreams and I couldn't be happier. 

~ ~ ~

Just a few of the sketches I have done recently, to show you the fun I have found myself having again :)

This was done while waiting for a friend to get back to me about plans. I was getting frustrated having to wait because he wasn't letting me know what was happening so I chose to calm myself in the best way for me. The focus was on the skirt, I just wanted to play around with markers and the flare to show tones.

This dress was done after midnight. For some reason I just couldn't sleep at all so I decided why stare up at the ceiling when I could be doing something constructive? Hence this dress. I only used pencils and metalic ink for lace.

Its always good to have hot chocolate close by :)

Getting myself all painted up. One of the things I love about mixed media, the mess I end up in, but its so worth it in the end. 

The finished product. I had had an idea in my mind for a few days so I finally decided to just sit down and put it on paper. Took me a while until I was completely satisfied with it before I started with colour. But this one I had the most fun. Its mixed media, so I used markers, paint and ink. I still think it would be a lot of fun to make this dress. Who knows, maybe I will? :)

Just a cool detail shot of the lace. It doesn't really show but in the actual design it is blue lace with silver in it, here the silver went black because of the flash of the camera. 

~ ~ ~

Always follow your dreams, no matter how long it takes you to get there. It will all be worth it once you get there. Rather spend the time working at your goals and dreams than doing nothing about it, the same time will pass anyway. 

~ ~ ~

xoxo